I molested 6 butterflies tonight
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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