if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I party with great urgency now.
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