Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
