I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
