Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
