i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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