Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize