i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Did I show you my penis last night?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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