I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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