is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
ttyl tear gas
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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