you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
