she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
