I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
