my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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