she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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