I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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