Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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