I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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