She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
