"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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