Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize