Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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