He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I FOUND THE LEGS
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
