what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
