Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
