Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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