The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
