not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
