somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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