my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
