i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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