I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Randomize