Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
