i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
