i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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