we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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