Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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