First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
