WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
