I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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