Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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