i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
