Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
