I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
