The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
