I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
