can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
