You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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