I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
