You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
