Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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