Whoa Z and x make the same sound
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
