my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
