i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
