We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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