so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize