I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
