My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
