took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
